An Unnamed Horror
by nerdyninjaunicorn
Summary: Harry encounters many of our favorite ships...and some that are not. T cuz I'm a paranoid freak and why'd I write this? To mortify dear old Harry boy.


It was a seemingly normal-oh, hell, I'll cut to the chase, plus when is any day normal at Hogwarts?- day, and Harry had just awaken to begin a fun filled day at Hogwarts by going to his first class potions *please note the heavy sarcasm*

Little did he know that he would soon walk in on a passionate make out between Seamus Finnegan and Lavender Brown.

"Holy Merlin!" Harry shouted in surprise, causing Lavender and Seamus to break apart "What is this?"

"Oh, you didn't hear, Potter?" Seamus asked, smirking slightly "Lavender and me are going out."

"You don't think I noticed?"

"Well, you were rather shocked," Lavender said sweetly.

"Well, you two were being rather-hey! Oh, never mind!" Harry cried out, exasperated as Seamus and Lavender were in a tight embrace and snogging once more.

Harry left the common room only to discover-

"Malfoy? What are you doing..."

Harry's eyes widened as Luna turned around "Oh, hello, Harry. Let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Draco."

"Luna!" Harry cried "But...Malfoy is a git, he's-"

"Jealous are we, Potter?" Malfoy sneered "I can blame you really. She is a like the moon rising into the sky; elegant and beautiful. I love her so very much. In fact, one day, I want her to be the future Mrs. Malfoy."

Harry glanced while Luna got a dreamy expression on her face "Oh, Draco, really?"

"Of course, my love."

Harry, feeling awkward as Malfoy exchanged sweet nothings with Luna, crept away to head to the Great Hall to find Ron, Hermione, or Ginny.

He found them all right. At least, he found Ron and Hermione.

He saw Hermione with her hands entwined with Theodore Nott's, and Ron was kissing Padma Patil on the cheek.

Harry had never witnessed this type of odd behavior in his friends. He chose to ignore them; he felt as though it would be the best.

But in the Great Hall, he wasn't as surprised by Neville proclaiming his undying love to Millicent Bullstrode as he was to seeing the spectacle underneath the Gryffindor table.

"GINNY?" He asked, astounded by seeing his girlfriend in a passionate embrace with Blaise Zabini.

"Harry!"

"Ginny, what the hell are you doing!?" Harry felt as though he was going mad.

"Harry, you told me a while ago that we were on a break, see, so when Blaise asked me out, I thought you'd be fine with it!"

"What? I didn't ever say we were going on a break?" Harry was becoming very confused and very irritated by Blaise, who had a boyish smirk upon his face.

"God, Harry!" Ginny exclaimed "Why are you so bipolar!" and she took of running in tears.

Brooding, Harry looked across the Great Hall. He noticed Ernie McMillan was awfully cozy with Tracey Davis, and Daphne Greengrass was quite taken by Terry Boot. Hannah Abbott was sitting upon Goyle's lap, and Crabbe barely noticed Susan Bones attempts to flirt with him.

And there was Dean Thomas, who was checking Su Li out, and Anthony Goldstein, who was now grabbing hold of Pavarti and declaring his devotion.

What was this?

Marcus Flint was chatting up Katie Bell (who was blushing furiously) and George was hand in hand with a Hufflepuff girl Harry only recognized by sight and... Was that FRED with CHO CHANG?

Indeed it was. Harry nearly vomited as Fred and Cho began kissing rather sloppily and tastelessly.

But by the time breakfast was over, all the said couples seemed to have transferred their emotions to others. He saw Su Li admiring Marcus Flint while Millicent Bullstrode flirted with Anthony Goldstein. Theodore Nott had came back into the scene, apparently abandoning Hermione and instead deciding that he would rather kiss Luna. Draco appeared to be hitting on Hannah Abbott, Goyle was kissing Padma Patil, Katie Bell was chatting up Neville, Susan Bones was walking hand in hand with Crabbe, Cho was now in a conversation with Ernie MacMillan, Ginny now was enraptured by Terry, Fred appeared to be taken by Daphne Greengrass, George was now with Hermione and Ron was with Pavarti instead of Padma.

"What the bloody hell is this?" Harry asked.

But it only went downhill.

Snape and Hermione had quite the...interesting relationship. Harry wasn't a big fan of seeing Hermione flirt with Snape and was surprised to see that Ron didn't appear to mind. Well, other than the fact Ron was scribbling "Cho Chang" all over his potions notes.

Much to no ones surprise, Seamus blew up another cauldron as he was distracted by Daphne, and Snape didn't really care, for he was responding to Lavender's advances.

Harry was sure his friends would be very disappointed...had they been in their normal state of mind. But no, Ron was checking Millicent out, and Hermione appeared to be hitting on Blaise.

"Hello, Potter," a smooth male voice said from behind him. Harry jumped and turned around to see...Malfoy.

"What the hell do you want, Malfoy?" Harry asked angrily as he sulked.

"You."

"What?" Harry nearly fell over, and felt a tight, sick feeling in his stomach "WHY?"

Draco let out a sigh "My God, get with the times Potter. Slash is the new black!"

"What is sla-" Harry was stopped in mind sentence by looking around and witnessing a horror beyond words. Blaise and Ron. Hermione and Pavarti. Pansy and Tracey. Daphne and Lavender. Snape and Neville.

SNAPE AND NEVILLE?

Harry let out a chocked cry and Draco was standing there, jaw dropped.

Harry ran to the Gryffindor Common Room, chanting to himself "Help me, oh Merlin, HELP me!"

Finally, Harry, exhausted, collapsed as the Fat Lady asked "Password?"

"Broomfeathers," Harry panted.

The Fat Lady smiled evilly "No."

"What?"

"No, you are wrong."

Harry met out a scream that could wake the dead until-

"Harry, mate, you alright?"

Harry was jerked awake by Ron, as he stood over Harry's bed. Harry blinked before coming to; it was just a dream.

"Oh, Ron, mate I'm glad to see you!" Harry said, relieved.

"Yeah, you were screaming so loud I thought that You-Know-Who was here and murdering you. By the way," Ron asked "Is slash really the new black?"

Harry promptly screamed (and he will tell you, it was NOT like a little girl. It was a shrill, yet manly, scream. *author would like to note that Harry is NOT her type, in the slightest, Ron is more of her man, ask Enchiladas*) and ran out of the room.

Seamus, Dean and Neville, who were in the boys dorms, gave Ron a weird look. Ron shrugged and said "What? He was mumbling in his sleep! I just was curious as to what "slash" was!"

A/N: Thanks for reading! REVIEW! Team Ron!


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